just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
