Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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