My first STD was from a foam party
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
