just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We are two peas in an std pod
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
