We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
