There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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