you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
