I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
