we have pet lesbian snakes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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