Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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