She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
