Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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