If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
