Sry I called you an 8
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
