Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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