hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
