Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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