i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
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