How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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