she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
