that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize