i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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