We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
