He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
