Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
