At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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