Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
