rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
