I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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