You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
