I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
