look no pants
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
