Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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