Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
