3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to align my fucking chakras
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
