after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
