Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
