if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
