You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
