so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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