Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Randomize
