whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My ATM looks so different sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
