I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
