evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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