I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
