good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
