So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He felt like a one man threesome
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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