why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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