Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
