I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I touched a dick in church today
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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