i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
