I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I puked a lego.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
