3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
