Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
