True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
