Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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