I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
