idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize