...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
