Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
