I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
